do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
