I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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