Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
