I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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