so explain again why im purple
no
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
