Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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