I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
