if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
