I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
