You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
