Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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