It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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