She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
