Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
