she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
