I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
