Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
