she looked like the bat from fern gully.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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