I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
