the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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