he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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