I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
