wat bout pragnant strippers??
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
