Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
