I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
