dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
