yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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