don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
