I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
