im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
