well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
