last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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