yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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