she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
