new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
