but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
