Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
