So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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