New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
