and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
