I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
