Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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