you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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