We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
