The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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