So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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