They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
