OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
