i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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