My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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