And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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