..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
