rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
