so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
