that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Randomize
