I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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