I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
