He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
