When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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