my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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