I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize