Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Sober January is a disaster.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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