its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
