My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
