please come you make the beer taste better
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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