Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize