Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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