I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
