Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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