I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
