so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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