what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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