census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize