I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
