Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have fence marks all over my body
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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