you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
