Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
