I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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