Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
