Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
