Porn is love you can see.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
