I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
