I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
