getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
