I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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