ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
