i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
