just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
we should paint friendship bongs
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