I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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