don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
